Divorce legally ends a marriage, but the unfinished business of raising children still exists. When parents continue to fight, children feel tension. They may feel unstable, worried, stressed, and in some cases fearful. Ongoing conflict between parents is the #1 cause of suffering, and incompatibility in children from divorce.
It doesn’t have to be like that. Check out these 3 tips.
1. Know You’re in New Territory
After a separation or divorce, it’s natural to feel confused about how to interact with other parents. The situation is confusing. The challenge is learning to relate to your child’s other parents in a whole new way to achieve your common goal of raising healthy children.
2. Consider Taking an Online Parenting Course for Divorced Parents
These classes go by many names (e.g., “parenting”, “co-parenting”, “family stabilization”, etc.) but the goal is always the same: to help parents learn ways to successfully raise adaptable children. good between 2 houses.
The information in these classes is so useful that many divorce courts will require parents to complete classes, and then file a certificate of completion with the court, before deciding on a marriage involving a minor. But you don’t need a court order to take a class. Just go online, register and get the information today.
If you’re getting a divorce in Texas, look for an online parenting course that meets Texas statutory requirements and is accepted by your judge. It should clearly address communication, conflict resolution, and anger management in its topic. Investing 4 hours of your time in a short, colorful and well narrated course like the online Texas Cooperative Parenting Course can give you a lot of advantages.
3. Move away from intimacy and return to business contact with your ex
Instead of interacting as husband and wife (which you no longer do), it’s very liberating to form new business acquaintances with the other parent of the child. This is a big key in ending conflict.
What is a “business-like introduction”? An acquaintance is a pharmacist, waiter, or someone we just met at a party. In our interactions with these individuals, we each follow a set of implicit and explicit rules. When we spoke to the pharmacist, we gave him a prescription, and he filled it.
The pharmacist gave us the bill, and we paid it. Business associates conduct their business politely and efficiently while maintaining a low emotional profile. They work to fulfill a common goal. No assumptions, formal courtesy, public meetings, written contracts, little confrontation, high personal privacy, and low personal disclosure are characteristics of an acquaintance or business relationship.
Creating a business-like relationship with your ex-spouse will bring many benefits. First, it reemphasizes the welfare of children, which is a common goal. Second, it will give you privacy. Communication will be limited to things involving children.
For example, child health, school performance, and parenting time schedules are acceptable topics. Topics such as the dating habits of the other parent, past mistakes, and stark differences in parenting styles are off limits.
Third, building a business relationship with an ex-spouse will empower you. In a business-like relationship, the parties treat each other with courtesy and respect… no matter what. Even if they have to “fake it until they succeed”. The “rules of courtesy and respect” are empowering because no matter how the other parent behaves, your plan of action remains clear and unchanging.
You don’t have to wait desperately, hoping the other parent will act less jerk tomorrow than he did yesterday. Starting today, you lead in a positive way.
Adopting the “rules of courtesy and respect” exemplifies positive social behavior for our children. Also, it offers an island of safety for your child. While the behavior of the other parent may remain frightening and unpredictable for the child, at least your child will feel comfortable knowing that when Mom and Dad are together, one parent will always be in control and speak respectfully. One fool is better than two!